Things That Come, page 2
8. Freedom; some preliminary notes; Easter, 4/8/12;
So, this was a meditation on 'cleaning' the domains. (I should not be surprised if this occurred in some temporal juxtaposition with trying to clean house physically- not one of my strong points..)
I felt many things were weighing me down, and impacting negatively my ability to move freely among the domains. As is frequently the case, the discomfort of restriction was principally in the emotional and spiritual domains; a chafing, a numbness, an incarceration that was not a healing quiet, but a vacuum. My asking and searching were impotent. I was a bird chained, trying to fly but unable to reach the sky.
I thought about the Christian mechanism of spiritual cleaning known as 'confession and absolution'. And about Reiki. And I thought of two sayings; 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness', and the Hermetic expression of symmetrical action; 'As above, so below'.
Insight and solution is to be found, I believe, in a functional assembly of these modular concepts.
a. The initial situation; Something occurs in one of the domains- usually in the physical- impacting the mental and the emotional, and then spreading to the spiritual. (It also occurs that the confining trigger arises in the physical and spreads to the other domains) The chains and confinement spread. Systems shut down or go offline. The distress increases. How do you get this weight off of you?
b. The analogy of the caged or chained bird is one way to see it. Another beginning of understanding of one road to solution may be seen with the analogy of a tree and its roots. The tree is 'anchored' by the roots- but where the tree cannot go, the roots can, spreading beneath the surface and permeating what is seemingly impermeable. Conversely, My wings may not work, but my root-fingers reach out and delve, spreading to reach the living water at the heart of existence.
c. 'As above so below'; here the expression of symmetry is key. The dimensional implications of 'above' and 'below' may be irrelevant in terms of spatial direction or hierarchy. The point is, if you want cleaning in the spiritual domain, you may be able to approach a solution in the process of cleaning in the other 3 domains. Clean house. Clean your mind. Clean your emotional landscape.
d. The Buddhist principle; 'The origin of all suffering is attachment'.
e. The Shamanistic methodology of healing by ritual cleaning or cutting out harmful spirit intrusions.
It is particularly, extremely, and perniciously difficult if the situation you are stuck in is an abusive one, where you feel unable to break free of the abuse. Then your stress and suffering turn inward and you begin to wound yourself. The more this goes on, the deeper the trap; the further away from even being able to conceive of freedom.
The situation described here also grievously impacts those suffering from physical illness or injury, or extreme pain and suffering which seems to have no end. This is where addiction to pharmaceuticals for relief gets its toe hold. Each of the narcotic 'pain relievers' has some degree of secondary effect on the so-termed 'pleasure centers'.
Fear not; the freedom is there. The door is there. The chains can be broken. There is a way out.
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9. What are the chances? (a tangential, and yet not-random, thought)
What if earth and our lives are virtual reality, cuz we are so messed up we'd fuck it all up for real if we had the chance. This is a practice session. We are not doing too well at learning, it would seem.
(Consulting the 'I Ching' on this topic would indeed suggest that we are here to learn; and that those who do learn sufficiently well to move forward, do have the opportunity to accomplish more. See hexagram 14 with one changing line in position 5.)
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10 Spiritual Awakening
Part 1 The dream (from 5 24 13, other notes added sequentially)
‘We’ were-somewhere- ‘we’ had been there for a long time, and had searched for those of our kind, or any company, because we were alone- probably lacking in supplies as well, but alone and missing those we had lost. While the sense of ‘we’, and some of the reactions, suggest females, some of the other interactions more imply a colony of both genders. In the end, that is not important.
After long searching, we found ‘them’- or they came to where we were- and we tried to talk to them.
They didn’t hear us. They didn’t see us. Our attempts to communicate, at first welcoming and diffident- became more urgent, and then frantic as they looked past us as if we weren’t there. Indeed, we shook them and screamed at them, cuffed and slapped them til it was quite comical, albeit dismaying, that they were oblivious.
We took counsel, one with another, in an effort to refine, attune, and make effective our communications. Those more acute among us were able to change, lens, or direct our efforts-perhaps through some technological means- and suddenly we were heard. Those of us who first realized it were overjoyed, weeping with relief, embracing the ones we had thought lost.
As communication proceeded and became more complex, it became clear that they were quite willing to stay- and their first order of business- in fact their main if not only order of business- was to become as intoxicated as possible, as often as possible. We wondered who and what, exactly, we had invited into our midst.
It became clear that they had been traveling with their offspring, and again we were overcome with joy at the thought of children. But to our dismay, when we entered the area where the children were to be found, it was cold, like a refrigerator, and the children were unresponsive. As we examined them and tried to rouse them, we found that their pupils were nonreactive and we began to lose hope.
There were those of us who retained our former mores- these expressed their extreme disappointment by tears and sadness. But others had spent enough time with the newcomers to adopt their method of communication. One was upset enough to shout ‘fuck you!’ loudly. At that, one of the children responded, saying (either) ‘you sound just like my dad’, or ‘you must have been talking to my dad’.
To come to terms with such an altered reality was the challenge- and I did not get to see the outcome- I woke up instead.
Part 2 (6/9/13)
Shortly after writing this piece, I realized that part of the driving force behind the dream had been a conversation with a neighbor; both of us lamenting that our offspring were at times very far off anything resembling a safe track, living very dangerously and suffering the consequences. Both of us had in fact spoken about trying to wake them up and get them see the urgency and need for change.
That insight was well and good; but I also feel that there is another driving force which made this dream such a profound experience. I believe that there is another 'echo' here. As the Wiccans say, 'As above, so below'. I more than suspect that there are those who are concerned with us; those who equally are shaking us, cuffing us, screaming at us to wake up and listen to them. We need to wake up, to become aware, to heed the warnings. We are very far from being attuned to their calling.
Part 3 (6/17/13; the circle of assocation widens)
I was thinking about the 2 festivals- the music festival in 2010, the apple festival in 2011- and how perturbing it had been to see the robotlike focus on intoxication of so many of the attendees. In this context, as well, I feel that I (and perhaps, the wider cosmic circle of 'elders' beyond me) want to shake these kids and somehow wake them up. I know from their conversations that *some* of them are in fact concerned. Some *do* have a wider focus; seeking life styles, life choices, life experiences- to interact with, tussle with, come to grips with, life, the earth, and the cosmos. But honestly, when you divide the number of empty beer cans and wine bottles by the number of people attending, when you look at the general debris, the heedlessness of safety restrictions (fire danger, noise control)- I felt I had done well to purchase liability insurance. I feel that I do not ever again want to allow the use of this land as a location for 'entertainment' involving this mindset and level of irresponsibility.
At this point in my life, I am a 'granny woman' as they say in West Virginia. Harking back to the gatherings 'in my day', I will admit I don't think I saw *my* time indulging in the same type of activities in quite such a critical light. But what is the point of celebrating the harvest if you didn't do the work to produce, if you didn't participate in the harvest? It seems empty.
I do not feel I (in this case) supported activities that nudge people in what *I* consider to be a positive direction. I admit that often I am not sure what the 'right' direction is. I do want to open doors, want to let people see that there are choices, ways to grow.
Part 4 (6/18/13; Spiritual awakening)
For years, I had been writing/recording experiences (culminating in the collection to be read on this web site)- and not really understanding why. My writings span back to my childhood, actually, (although I hope most of those are mercifully lost). Things really picked up about the time of the 'Gaia' collection; so 2001.
This sequence of dawning awareness began on 6/14/2013. I had been driving out to the store, unspeakably weary as I have been often recently; and reflecting on my state of 'mind'- actually more than 'mind', recalling the PMES domains. I had thoughts. But I had little in the way of feelings, beyond discouragement. I was 'dispirited' as they say, and so it felt. It was as if I wondered where my wings had gone.
The pines had been releasing their pollen over the past few days, and as I drove I began reviewing my memory of the experience I recounted in 'The Rut' ('Visions of Gaia' pg 2 #8).
The memory was intellectually available but spiritually remote. The experience of my dream went through my mind; that and the memory of my husband's reaction when I told him about it. I had been so happy to share the experience, and was devastated when he belittled and condemned it. As I drearily pondered why I should have allowed myself to be so vulnerable to his destructive speech (much as if he had destroyed a lovely web of evanescent beauty), the phrase flashed into my head; 'It was during a period of spiritual awakening for me'.
With that, I 'awoke'. That is; I became engaged (albeit stiffly) in all of the domains. The iteration of the words 'spiritual awakening' within my mind, awakened 'me', as an echo. Now I can say, after 12 years of writing and pondering, that 'Spiritual Awakening' was the process comprising the 'Visions of Gaia'- and probably most of the rest of 'What it is'. 'Babe Cow and Babe Pig'. 'Get off the bridge'. 'The Watcher at the Gates'. 'Dance with me'. (to name a few).
Spiritual awakening. Steps where things that had not been seen (by my 'eyes') became 'visible' in some one or more domains. Spiritual awakening; if the term is valid, one would surmise that- prior to this sequence of events- physical, mental and emotional 'seeing' had been occurring, but the spiritual had been 'shuttered'- not dead, not totally inactive, but 'asleep'. Some catalyst had ignited the spark and started the process. Writing this, I realize that this is another step- part 4 in the sequence which began with the dream on 5/24. As if this- spiritual awakening, is what 'we' wanted for our 'lost' ones; for our children and for their children, that the wider circle of those beyond us want for us.
The question arises; what *is* the catalyst? What triggered each of these experiences? I was not specifically expectant, nor demanding, but I was somehow 'open'; as if the poet in me has my antennae in receptive mode, especially in those times of traveling and solitude. And hopefully in times of sleep and near-sleep. It makes me laugh when my husband refers to his dreams as 'stupid dreams'. Granted that I do not travel with him in sleep, but I suspect he could be more mindful and garner greater benefit from his dreamtime.
Spiritual awakening. Not taken into account by present fiscal policy; not dealt with by those 'in power' whom we allegedly trust. Separation of church and state. Currency which states 'In God we Trust'.
At what point, in our internet forays, our social media, in our cultural and societal evolution, do we wake up? Who and what want(s) us awake? Who and what want(s) us asleep? Recently we hear 'they' want to capture all of our network of communications but 'they' don't want us to know they are doing it. Hey, you know, we know. We already know that.
It is a major hindrance in communication, in trust, in transactions, in life with any semblance of integrity; to have lies, subterfuge, hypocrisy, misdirection, manipulation, as a constant barrage on the sensorium. 'In God we trust'? That is as it may be, but by Jesus I doubt very many of us trust the gummint, (and certainly not 'big business') right about now. 'Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain'. 'Oz, the great and powerful'...
12 years. 12 years of visions and spiritual journeying as described in 'what it is'. 12 years, and now standing within/without my aging mind and wondering how long I will be 'awake'.
As I look within at myself from this perspective, I see why and how I am driven to communicate, to share. I have no intention of losing this gift. For myself, I want to continue this dialogue with the spiritual, I want to continue this journey. But beyond that, I want to, I must, hand on the experience.
(as I work over this piece at 2am on 6/18/13, I look up to the window and see a tiny tree frog clinging to the glass. Little moths flutter at the window, attracted by the light. What do they experience? 'He' sits there quietly, legs out at 2 different angles, little arms out holding him securely at 90* from gravity's pull. Then I look again and he has moved down the glass on some night errand, having shared a moment with me.)
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11 Ocean (5/29/13)
The ocean had been calling me. It had actually been calling me for a long time, easily since 2007, when I'd been in the middle of clinicals for my paramedic. I would go down to the hospital, the ocean only a few miles away, and it would call to me. But each time I was too busy, and promised I would come later.
'Later' was 5 1/2 years, but I finally showed up. The first time was on a very grey and windy day late in January of this year, when I prowled the beaches until I came on the 'right' spot to commune. The ocean was very torn, and not welcoming on that day, though I stayed with her for an hour. My thoughts were deep and unquiet, reflecting ocean's mood.
I wrote simply.
Unquiet ocean.
Why are you so grey?
What fury do you hold in your hand?
Another storm is coming.
She's not done with us yet.
She's alive and well.
Like I said before.
Don't fuck with Mother Nature.
We had already experienced Hurricane Sandy at the end of October 2012, but this was later, during the period when 'The weather channel' was naming the winter storms. We had Jove, Magnus, and then Nemo. My notes for 1/31/13 (immediately after my ocean visit) mention traffic pile ups, tornadoes, the jet stream coming from Washington state, dipping down to Tennessee, and then back up. Nemo on 2/8 left 40 inches of snow. I had been right to bear witness to the fury she held, but it blew in on us the next few days *after* I saw it.
I went to see her again early this month. She was more sparkly and not as torn. This visit was to a section where tourists frequent an amusement park. They hadn't formally 'arrived' yet, but the place was busy with construction.
The visit did not seem to leave a deep impression on me, 'feeling' more like a cataloguing of the landmarks with an underlying isolation from 'whatever it was' that I had been seeking. And yet- now, a few weeks later, (as I sit inland on this intermittently rainy day, trying to stay warm and to decide whether or not to plant in the garden)- I notice that the most recent visit had taken up residence in my PMES 'matrix' of 'Ocean'. This perception is a little hard to grasp and explain- and yet it is there. When I 'look' 'within' at 'Ocean', the catalogue opens with many bits of experiential data, new and old, showing facets of what I perceive as a whole. And as I say, I realized that most recent visit was 'there' in the matrix- still itself and yet changed and enlarged by its association with previous encounters- so that the sense of 'isolation'- the missing 'pieces' of the encounter- were 'there'. Not as events or perceptions from the time of the visit- at least not conscious ones- but there nonetheless. 'Ocean' takes its place in the surround. 'The ghost in the shell'. It is a teasing perception to chase, a will-o-the-wisp of the mind- to be driving down that road in memory, perceiving the same sequence of images and experiences- and yet now to have attendant on the sequence this greater 'presence'- perhaps of associations that flock to welcome the newcomer.
OK, that's weird.
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12 Life Waypoints
Anyone who owns a computer knows that they crash. One of the saving graces in the event of a crash is what is referred to as a ‘restore point’, a point in previous time maintained in the history of the computer which can, in the event of a crash, be used to restore the settings to what was current at that time.
This writing concerns points in my life that have some of that flavor- points that may also be referred to as ‘watershed’ moments, pivotal experiences, or perhaps life waypoints. The one particular point that came to mind this morning (at about 1:30am on 7/24/2013) was my visit, some 10 years ago, to Noble Barker’s farm in Drury, Missouri.
This is how I found my way to Noble’s farm- to that particular waypoint in my life.
I had sold my cattle in West Virginia in 1991 when I moved to Maine (and married my present husband). Even with a new life and a larger family, I deeply missed my cattle, the trees, and the land I had left behind. As the years passed, I came to realize I wanted more than the acreage my husband owned at that time- room to keep cattle and get back into farming.
I bought my mom’s property after she died in 1995. The large trees had been cut after my mother died and before I bought the place, as part of the estate settlement. So I was starting from ground zero with young trees and a landscape that had been hastily timbered- deep skidder ruts, looking like a bomb had hit. None of my siblings wanted to take it on, but to my perception, it was calling out for me.
I bought my first cow (Samantha) to start a new herd in 1996. We started a forestry plan for the property in 1997. In September of 2000 I joined the Forestry Forum
( forestryforum.com ), shortly after that group was started. (The Forestry Forum, by the way, is still in full swing, with 15189 members and over 1 million posts.)
It was May 12th, 2003, that I met Noble Barker in person. I was at that time working with the American Red Cross (as a Registered Nurse with Disaster Health Services), and had responded to Stockton Missouri to assist in recovery from a tornado
My cow/calf management system was such that if I did need to go out of town, I let the calves run with the cows, and they took all the milk. The Red Cross assignment was for a period of 2 weeks, and on my one day off (May 12th 2003) I went over to Noble Barker’s place.
Brother Noble was a wonderful personality online (his posts are still archived there) and welcomed the prospect of a visit. I knew I wanted to see his operation and his sawmill. I set off but wasn’t certain what I would find.
His farm knocked my eye out with its raving beauty and fertility. Despite traveling to and from Stockton, I hadn’t been aware of what lovely country is to be found in Missouri. (See 'Visions of Gaia' pg 3 #11. 'Show Me') I only stayed for half a day, and took a few pictures (many more are posted on the forum by other members who visited).
What I saw was a dreamscape to me; lush pasture, gardens, a creek flowing in the bottom land, dairy cattle; it was an awesome as well as a humbling experience to see the scope and depth of his operation.
Where I used square bales to feed my cattle out on pasture, he had round bales stacked floor to ceiling in his barn, a paved feeding area, and advanced manure handling capability. I had 1 tractor, he had generations of tractors parked here and there about the farm.
We drove out from his house and barns in the bottom of the property by the creek, up onto a ridge top where he had big hayfields, magnificent trees, and a band saw mill (Woodmizer HD40) in full swing. Noble’s son was living there not far from the mill, and they worked together on the operation. Everything I encountered taught me something new. What I saw in half a day merited much more time to internalize and understand. In far too short a time, I had to return for the rest of my work in Stockton and the surrounding countryside. I continued to correspond with Brother Noble via the Forestry Forum. Another visitor to his place sent me a CD with many more photos from a longer visit.
I thought I had processed the visit, the information, and that it was ‘finished business’. But now, some 10 years later, I realize that was and is not so.
Over time, I spent less time on the Forestry Forum, my last post was in August of 2006. When I dropped in not too long ago (probably earlier this year), I was deeply saddened to see that Brother Noble had passed away. They had also lost another of my favorite correspondents, Tom Cadenhead.
It is part of growing older, to lose fellow travelers on this earth, as they take the next great step on the journey. But that golden door of memory opens up, and you see them again. Isaac Asimov coined the term ‘In Memory yet Green’ and so it is. The memories are frequently watered with tears.
I have continued to work on my own farm; gardening, milking, making cheese, now moving forward to incorporating principles of permaculture to an increasing extent. I have about 6-7 years of increasing attempts to grow grains, most recently rice in small paddies. I have a website ( whatitis1.net- OK, in the context of this present edition, you already know that because 'you are here'..), and am working with the farm as an interactive learning center. The trees are growing, seeming in fact this year to have taken a giant step forward, given the increasing temperature, water, and CO2 levels. ‘CO2- it’s what plants crave..’
Now, 10 years after my visit to Noble Barker’s farm, after much debate, I am moving forward to another stage in my life. My son, his fiancée, and my granddaughter are living on the farm with us. He is quite interested and involved with the gardening and the woodland. I am taking early retirement after 20 years as an ER nurse, and I am planning to buy a Norwood band saw mill. I will by no means have Brother Noble’s skill and experience, nor trees to match those I saw on his farm. But the pattern of interlocking processes I witnessed there has stayed with me as a working example, a complex meme.
I often say to myself and those around me, that 2 things are true. 1. You have to start where you are; you can’t start anywhere else. 2. You have to go in the right direction. Part of the art, of course, is to determine ‘the right direction’
Having combined a career in nursing with operation of a farm, in a sense I have been going in 2 directions. Economics may dictate that ultimately I will have to continue with the nursing. Right now I want to take a break from the craziness. Concerning the farm, I hope that the added resource of time available will take us forward in a fruitful direction.
Thank you, Brother Noble, for your good example.
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13 The Shuttered House
It was not bright, nor airy
in many of the rooms.
Granted; a picture window with northeast exposure,
a greenhouse on the southeast,
and two good windows to the southwest.
But a roofed wood porch spanned much of the southwest exposure,
throwing that area into deep shade all day.
The sun did not smile within, nor throw leafed patterns dancing on the floor.
The dining room had been there, a generation ago.
Now deer and fish hung the walls
above a fly-tying desk, a television and a computer.
The racket was incessant.
Even the old dark wainscoting added to the gloom,
as canned laugh tracks from old sitcoms bellowed forth.
It was not a happy room.
On each shining day, the sun worked its way around the house,
bringing cheer to each area in turn.
In the morning the breakfast nook welcomed the early light and warmth,
and then the greenhouse took it up.
Afternoon brought a flood of sun paralleling the long driveway,
bringing memories of homecoming children in the crispness of autumn.
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14 Tears in the night (11/26/2013)
My husband wants to take a trip to Alaska. It has been years since I last traveled with him (his pace and preferences are not mine), and I am certain this trip will not be one where I join him. And that is fine. I would go berserk thinking of things I do want to do and chafing at things I don't want to do.
But I am all for the great adventure. Do it while you can, while you have the resources and the drive. Fill yourself up with all there is to see and do.
And I got to thinking about my own great adventures. I have had many. And I thought of myself saying to him; 'You were- and are- one of my great adventures'. Thinking the words made me realize it was so.
It is true. Both marriages have been great adventures, ones I would not have missed. So also with my son and my grand-daughter, and life itself. Death, I am sure, will be a great adventure.
And of course I cried, because I am so very tired. Because there are adventures that I am not sure, whether or not they will happen. Will I go to West Virginia one more time at least? To walk the hills, to remember the old times, maybe to see old friends and laugh at our grey hairs?
I think of the South, of the Southwest. Each time I go for a short drive, I can feel the road pulling me; so many wonderful places calling for me to return, the road a web of possibilities all calling me home.
I love this earth. The farm itself; engagement with the ecosystem, fraught with passion, deep meaning and significance. It is a love affair with the greatest of all loves, Mother Earth.
9. What are the chances? (a tangential, and yet not-random, thought)
What if earth and our lives are virtual reality, cuz we are so messed up we'd fuck it all up for real if we had the chance. This is a practice session. We are not doing too well at learning, it would seem.
(Consulting the 'I Ching' on this topic would indeed suggest that we are here to learn; and that those who do learn sufficiently well to move forward, do have the opportunity to accomplish more. See hexagram 14 with one changing line in position 5.)
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10 Spiritual Awakening
Part 1 The dream (from 5 24 13, other notes added sequentially)
‘We’ were-somewhere- ‘we’ had been there for a long time, and had searched for those of our kind, or any company, because we were alone- probably lacking in supplies as well, but alone and missing those we had lost. While the sense of ‘we’, and some of the reactions, suggest females, some of the other interactions more imply a colony of both genders. In the end, that is not important.
After long searching, we found ‘them’- or they came to where we were- and we tried to talk to them.
They didn’t hear us. They didn’t see us. Our attempts to communicate, at first welcoming and diffident- became more urgent, and then frantic as they looked past us as if we weren’t there. Indeed, we shook them and screamed at them, cuffed and slapped them til it was quite comical, albeit dismaying, that they were oblivious.
We took counsel, one with another, in an effort to refine, attune, and make effective our communications. Those more acute among us were able to change, lens, or direct our efforts-perhaps through some technological means- and suddenly we were heard. Those of us who first realized it were overjoyed, weeping with relief, embracing the ones we had thought lost.
As communication proceeded and became more complex, it became clear that they were quite willing to stay- and their first order of business- in fact their main if not only order of business- was to become as intoxicated as possible, as often as possible. We wondered who and what, exactly, we had invited into our midst.
It became clear that they had been traveling with their offspring, and again we were overcome with joy at the thought of children. But to our dismay, when we entered the area where the children were to be found, it was cold, like a refrigerator, and the children were unresponsive. As we examined them and tried to rouse them, we found that their pupils were nonreactive and we began to lose hope.
There were those of us who retained our former mores- these expressed their extreme disappointment by tears and sadness. But others had spent enough time with the newcomers to adopt their method of communication. One was upset enough to shout ‘fuck you!’ loudly. At that, one of the children responded, saying (either) ‘you sound just like my dad’, or ‘you must have been talking to my dad’.
To come to terms with such an altered reality was the challenge- and I did not get to see the outcome- I woke up instead.
Part 2 (6/9/13)
Shortly after writing this piece, I realized that part of the driving force behind the dream had been a conversation with a neighbor; both of us lamenting that our offspring were at times very far off anything resembling a safe track, living very dangerously and suffering the consequences. Both of us had in fact spoken about trying to wake them up and get them see the urgency and need for change.
That insight was well and good; but I also feel that there is another driving force which made this dream such a profound experience. I believe that there is another 'echo' here. As the Wiccans say, 'As above, so below'. I more than suspect that there are those who are concerned with us; those who equally are shaking us, cuffing us, screaming at us to wake up and listen to them. We need to wake up, to become aware, to heed the warnings. We are very far from being attuned to their calling.
Part 3 (6/17/13; the circle of assocation widens)
I was thinking about the 2 festivals- the music festival in 2010, the apple festival in 2011- and how perturbing it had been to see the robotlike focus on intoxication of so many of the attendees. In this context, as well, I feel that I (and perhaps, the wider cosmic circle of 'elders' beyond me) want to shake these kids and somehow wake them up. I know from their conversations that *some* of them are in fact concerned. Some *do* have a wider focus; seeking life styles, life choices, life experiences- to interact with, tussle with, come to grips with, life, the earth, and the cosmos. But honestly, when you divide the number of empty beer cans and wine bottles by the number of people attending, when you look at the general debris, the heedlessness of safety restrictions (fire danger, noise control)- I felt I had done well to purchase liability insurance. I feel that I do not ever again want to allow the use of this land as a location for 'entertainment' involving this mindset and level of irresponsibility.
At this point in my life, I am a 'granny woman' as they say in West Virginia. Harking back to the gatherings 'in my day', I will admit I don't think I saw *my* time indulging in the same type of activities in quite such a critical light. But what is the point of celebrating the harvest if you didn't do the work to produce, if you didn't participate in the harvest? It seems empty.
I do not feel I (in this case) supported activities that nudge people in what *I* consider to be a positive direction. I admit that often I am not sure what the 'right' direction is. I do want to open doors, want to let people see that there are choices, ways to grow.
Part 4 (6/18/13; Spiritual awakening)
For years, I had been writing/recording experiences (culminating in the collection to be read on this web site)- and not really understanding why. My writings span back to my childhood, actually, (although I hope most of those are mercifully lost). Things really picked up about the time of the 'Gaia' collection; so 2001.
This sequence of dawning awareness began on 6/14/2013. I had been driving out to the store, unspeakably weary as I have been often recently; and reflecting on my state of 'mind'- actually more than 'mind', recalling the PMES domains. I had thoughts. But I had little in the way of feelings, beyond discouragement. I was 'dispirited' as they say, and so it felt. It was as if I wondered where my wings had gone.
The pines had been releasing their pollen over the past few days, and as I drove I began reviewing my memory of the experience I recounted in 'The Rut' ('Visions of Gaia' pg 2 #8).
The memory was intellectually available but spiritually remote. The experience of my dream went through my mind; that and the memory of my husband's reaction when I told him about it. I had been so happy to share the experience, and was devastated when he belittled and condemned it. As I drearily pondered why I should have allowed myself to be so vulnerable to his destructive speech (much as if he had destroyed a lovely web of evanescent beauty), the phrase flashed into my head; 'It was during a period of spiritual awakening for me'.
With that, I 'awoke'. That is; I became engaged (albeit stiffly) in all of the domains. The iteration of the words 'spiritual awakening' within my mind, awakened 'me', as an echo. Now I can say, after 12 years of writing and pondering, that 'Spiritual Awakening' was the process comprising the 'Visions of Gaia'- and probably most of the rest of 'What it is'. 'Babe Cow and Babe Pig'. 'Get off the bridge'. 'The Watcher at the Gates'. 'Dance with me'. (to name a few).
Spiritual awakening. Steps where things that had not been seen (by my 'eyes') became 'visible' in some one or more domains. Spiritual awakening; if the term is valid, one would surmise that- prior to this sequence of events- physical, mental and emotional 'seeing' had been occurring, but the spiritual had been 'shuttered'- not dead, not totally inactive, but 'asleep'. Some catalyst had ignited the spark and started the process. Writing this, I realize that this is another step- part 4 in the sequence which began with the dream on 5/24. As if this- spiritual awakening, is what 'we' wanted for our 'lost' ones; for our children and for their children, that the wider circle of those beyond us want for us.
The question arises; what *is* the catalyst? What triggered each of these experiences? I was not specifically expectant, nor demanding, but I was somehow 'open'; as if the poet in me has my antennae in receptive mode, especially in those times of traveling and solitude. And hopefully in times of sleep and near-sleep. It makes me laugh when my husband refers to his dreams as 'stupid dreams'. Granted that I do not travel with him in sleep, but I suspect he could be more mindful and garner greater benefit from his dreamtime.
Spiritual awakening. Not taken into account by present fiscal policy; not dealt with by those 'in power' whom we allegedly trust. Separation of church and state. Currency which states 'In God we Trust'.
At what point, in our internet forays, our social media, in our cultural and societal evolution, do we wake up? Who and what want(s) us awake? Who and what want(s) us asleep? Recently we hear 'they' want to capture all of our network of communications but 'they' don't want us to know they are doing it. Hey, you know, we know. We already know that.
It is a major hindrance in communication, in trust, in transactions, in life with any semblance of integrity; to have lies, subterfuge, hypocrisy, misdirection, manipulation, as a constant barrage on the sensorium. 'In God we trust'? That is as it may be, but by Jesus I doubt very many of us trust the gummint, (and certainly not 'big business') right about now. 'Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain'. 'Oz, the great and powerful'...
12 years. 12 years of visions and spiritual journeying as described in 'what it is'. 12 years, and now standing within/without my aging mind and wondering how long I will be 'awake'.
As I look within at myself from this perspective, I see why and how I am driven to communicate, to share. I have no intention of losing this gift. For myself, I want to continue this dialogue with the spiritual, I want to continue this journey. But beyond that, I want to, I must, hand on the experience.
(as I work over this piece at 2am on 6/18/13, I look up to the window and see a tiny tree frog clinging to the glass. Little moths flutter at the window, attracted by the light. What do they experience? 'He' sits there quietly, legs out at 2 different angles, little arms out holding him securely at 90* from gravity's pull. Then I look again and he has moved down the glass on some night errand, having shared a moment with me.)
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11 Ocean (5/29/13)
The ocean had been calling me. It had actually been calling me for a long time, easily since 2007, when I'd been in the middle of clinicals for my paramedic. I would go down to the hospital, the ocean only a few miles away, and it would call to me. But each time I was too busy, and promised I would come later.
'Later' was 5 1/2 years, but I finally showed up. The first time was on a very grey and windy day late in January of this year, when I prowled the beaches until I came on the 'right' spot to commune. The ocean was very torn, and not welcoming on that day, though I stayed with her for an hour. My thoughts were deep and unquiet, reflecting ocean's mood.
I wrote simply.
Unquiet ocean.
Why are you so grey?
What fury do you hold in your hand?
Another storm is coming.
She's not done with us yet.
She's alive and well.
Like I said before.
Don't fuck with Mother Nature.
We had already experienced Hurricane Sandy at the end of October 2012, but this was later, during the period when 'The weather channel' was naming the winter storms. We had Jove, Magnus, and then Nemo. My notes for 1/31/13 (immediately after my ocean visit) mention traffic pile ups, tornadoes, the jet stream coming from Washington state, dipping down to Tennessee, and then back up. Nemo on 2/8 left 40 inches of snow. I had been right to bear witness to the fury she held, but it blew in on us the next few days *after* I saw it.
I went to see her again early this month. She was more sparkly and not as torn. This visit was to a section where tourists frequent an amusement park. They hadn't formally 'arrived' yet, but the place was busy with construction.
The visit did not seem to leave a deep impression on me, 'feeling' more like a cataloguing of the landmarks with an underlying isolation from 'whatever it was' that I had been seeking. And yet- now, a few weeks later, (as I sit inland on this intermittently rainy day, trying to stay warm and to decide whether or not to plant in the garden)- I notice that the most recent visit had taken up residence in my PMES 'matrix' of 'Ocean'. This perception is a little hard to grasp and explain- and yet it is there. When I 'look' 'within' at 'Ocean', the catalogue opens with many bits of experiential data, new and old, showing facets of what I perceive as a whole. And as I say, I realized that most recent visit was 'there' in the matrix- still itself and yet changed and enlarged by its association with previous encounters- so that the sense of 'isolation'- the missing 'pieces' of the encounter- were 'there'. Not as events or perceptions from the time of the visit- at least not conscious ones- but there nonetheless. 'Ocean' takes its place in the surround. 'The ghost in the shell'. It is a teasing perception to chase, a will-o-the-wisp of the mind- to be driving down that road in memory, perceiving the same sequence of images and experiences- and yet now to have attendant on the sequence this greater 'presence'- perhaps of associations that flock to welcome the newcomer.
OK, that's weird.
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12 Life Waypoints
Anyone who owns a computer knows that they crash. One of the saving graces in the event of a crash is what is referred to as a ‘restore point’, a point in previous time maintained in the history of the computer which can, in the event of a crash, be used to restore the settings to what was current at that time.
This writing concerns points in my life that have some of that flavor- points that may also be referred to as ‘watershed’ moments, pivotal experiences, or perhaps life waypoints. The one particular point that came to mind this morning (at about 1:30am on 7/24/2013) was my visit, some 10 years ago, to Noble Barker’s farm in Drury, Missouri.
This is how I found my way to Noble’s farm- to that particular waypoint in my life.
I had sold my cattle in West Virginia in 1991 when I moved to Maine (and married my present husband). Even with a new life and a larger family, I deeply missed my cattle, the trees, and the land I had left behind. As the years passed, I came to realize I wanted more than the acreage my husband owned at that time- room to keep cattle and get back into farming.
I bought my mom’s property after she died in 1995. The large trees had been cut after my mother died and before I bought the place, as part of the estate settlement. So I was starting from ground zero with young trees and a landscape that had been hastily timbered- deep skidder ruts, looking like a bomb had hit. None of my siblings wanted to take it on, but to my perception, it was calling out for me.
I bought my first cow (Samantha) to start a new herd in 1996. We started a forestry plan for the property in 1997. In September of 2000 I joined the Forestry Forum
( forestryforum.com ), shortly after that group was started. (The Forestry Forum, by the way, is still in full swing, with 15189 members and over 1 million posts.)
It was May 12th, 2003, that I met Noble Barker in person. I was at that time working with the American Red Cross (as a Registered Nurse with Disaster Health Services), and had responded to Stockton Missouri to assist in recovery from a tornado
My cow/calf management system was such that if I did need to go out of town, I let the calves run with the cows, and they took all the milk. The Red Cross assignment was for a period of 2 weeks, and on my one day off (May 12th 2003) I went over to Noble Barker’s place.
Brother Noble was a wonderful personality online (his posts are still archived there) and welcomed the prospect of a visit. I knew I wanted to see his operation and his sawmill. I set off but wasn’t certain what I would find.
His farm knocked my eye out with its raving beauty and fertility. Despite traveling to and from Stockton, I hadn’t been aware of what lovely country is to be found in Missouri. (See 'Visions of Gaia' pg 3 #11. 'Show Me') I only stayed for half a day, and took a few pictures (many more are posted on the forum by other members who visited).
What I saw was a dreamscape to me; lush pasture, gardens, a creek flowing in the bottom land, dairy cattle; it was an awesome as well as a humbling experience to see the scope and depth of his operation.
Where I used square bales to feed my cattle out on pasture, he had round bales stacked floor to ceiling in his barn, a paved feeding area, and advanced manure handling capability. I had 1 tractor, he had generations of tractors parked here and there about the farm.
We drove out from his house and barns in the bottom of the property by the creek, up onto a ridge top where he had big hayfields, magnificent trees, and a band saw mill (Woodmizer HD40) in full swing. Noble’s son was living there not far from the mill, and they worked together on the operation. Everything I encountered taught me something new. What I saw in half a day merited much more time to internalize and understand. In far too short a time, I had to return for the rest of my work in Stockton and the surrounding countryside. I continued to correspond with Brother Noble via the Forestry Forum. Another visitor to his place sent me a CD with many more photos from a longer visit.
I thought I had processed the visit, the information, and that it was ‘finished business’. But now, some 10 years later, I realize that was and is not so.
Over time, I spent less time on the Forestry Forum, my last post was in August of 2006. When I dropped in not too long ago (probably earlier this year), I was deeply saddened to see that Brother Noble had passed away. They had also lost another of my favorite correspondents, Tom Cadenhead.
It is part of growing older, to lose fellow travelers on this earth, as they take the next great step on the journey. But that golden door of memory opens up, and you see them again. Isaac Asimov coined the term ‘In Memory yet Green’ and so it is. The memories are frequently watered with tears.
I have continued to work on my own farm; gardening, milking, making cheese, now moving forward to incorporating principles of permaculture to an increasing extent. I have about 6-7 years of increasing attempts to grow grains, most recently rice in small paddies. I have a website ( whatitis1.net- OK, in the context of this present edition, you already know that because 'you are here'..), and am working with the farm as an interactive learning center. The trees are growing, seeming in fact this year to have taken a giant step forward, given the increasing temperature, water, and CO2 levels. ‘CO2- it’s what plants crave..’
Now, 10 years after my visit to Noble Barker’s farm, after much debate, I am moving forward to another stage in my life. My son, his fiancée, and my granddaughter are living on the farm with us. He is quite interested and involved with the gardening and the woodland. I am taking early retirement after 20 years as an ER nurse, and I am planning to buy a Norwood band saw mill. I will by no means have Brother Noble’s skill and experience, nor trees to match those I saw on his farm. But the pattern of interlocking processes I witnessed there has stayed with me as a working example, a complex meme.
I often say to myself and those around me, that 2 things are true. 1. You have to start where you are; you can’t start anywhere else. 2. You have to go in the right direction. Part of the art, of course, is to determine ‘the right direction’
Having combined a career in nursing with operation of a farm, in a sense I have been going in 2 directions. Economics may dictate that ultimately I will have to continue with the nursing. Right now I want to take a break from the craziness. Concerning the farm, I hope that the added resource of time available will take us forward in a fruitful direction.
Thank you, Brother Noble, for your good example.
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13 The Shuttered House
It was not bright, nor airy
in many of the rooms.
Granted; a picture window with northeast exposure,
a greenhouse on the southeast,
and two good windows to the southwest.
But a roofed wood porch spanned much of the southwest exposure,
throwing that area into deep shade all day.
The sun did not smile within, nor throw leafed patterns dancing on the floor.
The dining room had been there, a generation ago.
Now deer and fish hung the walls
above a fly-tying desk, a television and a computer.
The racket was incessant.
Even the old dark wainscoting added to the gloom,
as canned laugh tracks from old sitcoms bellowed forth.
It was not a happy room.
On each shining day, the sun worked its way around the house,
bringing cheer to each area in turn.
In the morning the breakfast nook welcomed the early light and warmth,
and then the greenhouse took it up.
Afternoon brought a flood of sun paralleling the long driveway,
bringing memories of homecoming children in the crispness of autumn.
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14 Tears in the night (11/26/2013)
My husband wants to take a trip to Alaska. It has been years since I last traveled with him (his pace and preferences are not mine), and I am certain this trip will not be one where I join him. And that is fine. I would go berserk thinking of things I do want to do and chafing at things I don't want to do.
But I am all for the great adventure. Do it while you can, while you have the resources and the drive. Fill yourself up with all there is to see and do.
And I got to thinking about my own great adventures. I have had many. And I thought of myself saying to him; 'You were- and are- one of my great adventures'. Thinking the words made me realize it was so.
It is true. Both marriages have been great adventures, ones I would not have missed. So also with my son and my grand-daughter, and life itself. Death, I am sure, will be a great adventure.
And of course I cried, because I am so very tired. Because there are adventures that I am not sure, whether or not they will happen. Will I go to West Virginia one more time at least? To walk the hills, to remember the old times, maybe to see old friends and laugh at our grey hairs?
I think of the South, of the Southwest. Each time I go for a short drive, I can feel the road pulling me; so many wonderful places calling for me to return, the road a web of possibilities all calling me home.
I love this earth. The farm itself; engagement with the ecosystem, fraught with passion, deep meaning and significance. It is a love affair with the greatest of all loves, Mother Earth.
15 Story of Flowers
This is a Youtube video which came out May 20, 2017. It is incredibly beautiful- and much more. It holds a profound lesson for our species. As I have gone about my harvest and my seed saving in the last month or so (it is now 11/6/17) the memory of this clip kept coming back to me.
If in our foolishness, we destroy the fragile trappings of our ('civilized') world- and ourselves, who among the species would miss us, our pollution and desecration of the environment, when we go?
Is there any way we could be as resilient as the plants? If we are not deeply and intimately connected to the web of life- not as the consumers, predators and wasters, that so many of us are in our unthinking greed- nor even simply as 'stewards', self-styled 'lords of creation'- but as participants and co-creators in the dance of life- as humble as any nematode, not spurning any aspect of life as inferior, but rather with a fate bound to our fellow creatures- we will have severed our own roots.
And, rootless, we will waste away, and be no more.
When I went looking for the website, I found that fortunately I had bookmarked it, and here it is.
This is a Youtube video which came out May 20, 2017. It is incredibly beautiful- and much more. It holds a profound lesson for our species. As I have gone about my harvest and my seed saving in the last month or so (it is now 11/6/17) the memory of this clip kept coming back to me.
If in our foolishness, we destroy the fragile trappings of our ('civilized') world- and ourselves, who among the species would miss us, our pollution and desecration of the environment, when we go?
Is there any way we could be as resilient as the plants? If we are not deeply and intimately connected to the web of life- not as the consumers, predators and wasters, that so many of us are in our unthinking greed- nor even simply as 'stewards', self-styled 'lords of creation'- but as participants and co-creators in the dance of life- as humble as any nematode, not spurning any aspect of life as inferior, but rather with a fate bound to our fellow creatures- we will have severed our own roots.
And, rootless, we will waste away, and be no more.
When I went looking for the website, I found that fortunately I had bookmarked it, and here it is.
16 The People of Planet Earth
11/30/17
'My People', are the people of the planet Earth, both the living and the dead. And my allegiance, beyond that, is to all living things. They have a place in my life, in my mind, in my heart, and in my spirit. And I would hope that I would have a place in theirs. This is true, transcendant ecumenism, not restricted to religious organizations nor to the 'whole of Christ's Church'- but to the entire spectrum of life. We are not separate- rather, we are all in this together. As I breathe, and as I visualize, I experience no schism. The reality is that we are one. It is not a practical, 'strategic' reality, but rather an immanent reality of the cosmos, one that is as real as a beating heart, a transconscious perception that this is how it is. As Wikipedia has said in the discussion of immanence, 'the spiritual world permeates the mundane'.
That is about as far from 'White Nationalism' as you can get.
It is no surprise, that we haven't 'encountered' life, civilizations, cultures, 'people' beyond our Earth. Who would want a species that can't stop warring on itself, practicing exploitation and extermination, fouling its own living space?
If they found us, several things might happen. 1) They turn away and leave, posting a warning for any other who come this way that this species should be quarantined. 2) If they were (God help us) at the same level of primitive predation as ourselves, they decide we are easy pickings and that they could show us a thing or two about genocide. 3) (As in the more recent version of 'The Day the Earth Stood Still) They could be so outraged as to how we are mistreating our planet that they decide to expunge us entirely.
How the Hell are we going to get it together, clean up our act locally and globally, get with the program to a sufficient extent that we could hold up our heads on a local, global, planetary, and potentially interstellar level?
Certainly not by warring among races and ethnic groups, not by hate, not by this sickening talk of 'peaceful cleansing'. How have things gone so wrong?
11/30/17
'My People', are the people of the planet Earth, both the living and the dead. And my allegiance, beyond that, is to all living things. They have a place in my life, in my mind, in my heart, and in my spirit. And I would hope that I would have a place in theirs. This is true, transcendant ecumenism, not restricted to religious organizations nor to the 'whole of Christ's Church'- but to the entire spectrum of life. We are not separate- rather, we are all in this together. As I breathe, and as I visualize, I experience no schism. The reality is that we are one. It is not a practical, 'strategic' reality, but rather an immanent reality of the cosmos, one that is as real as a beating heart, a transconscious perception that this is how it is. As Wikipedia has said in the discussion of immanence, 'the spiritual world permeates the mundane'.
That is about as far from 'White Nationalism' as you can get.
It is no surprise, that we haven't 'encountered' life, civilizations, cultures, 'people' beyond our Earth. Who would want a species that can't stop warring on itself, practicing exploitation and extermination, fouling its own living space?
If they found us, several things might happen. 1) They turn away and leave, posting a warning for any other who come this way that this species should be quarantined. 2) If they were (God help us) at the same level of primitive predation as ourselves, they decide we are easy pickings and that they could show us a thing or two about genocide. 3) (As in the more recent version of 'The Day the Earth Stood Still) They could be so outraged as to how we are mistreating our planet that they decide to expunge us entirely.
How the Hell are we going to get it together, clean up our act locally and globally, get with the program to a sufficient extent that we could hold up our heads on a local, global, planetary, and potentially interstellar level?
Certainly not by warring among races and ethnic groups, not by hate, not by this sickening talk of 'peaceful cleansing'. How have things gone so wrong?
#17 2 11 18; A Safe Space
(inserted here- note, it would serve as a good adjunct to Babe Cow and Babe Pig chapters 6 & 7, in that those depict the evolution of a safe space)
A recent exchange on Facebook was not without controversy. The subject at hand was (as is often the case today) freedom of speech. The geopolitical context (as can be seen from the date) was status post 2018 election and all the twists and turns of life since then.
The facebook exchange was an open discussion of public speakers at university; their rights to be heard, the student bodies' right to a 'safe space', and the administration's right to be a 'gatekeeper' in the interest of promoting peace, civil discourse, and an open forum.
'Liberals', as per usual, were vilified, students portrayed as infantile and unreasonably delicate, and the concept of a 'safe space' was not favorably portrayed.
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The discussion was soon shut down. Freedom of speech (the initial subject) was not considered to be applicable within the forum of a discussion on Facebook- ie, if you disagree, don't participate, This seemed somewhat ironic, and yet, one can appreciate that a Facebook post *might* be considered the equivalent of a discussion in ones living room taking place among 'friends', and one is not expected to bring heated attitudes to such a discussion.
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So- it was food for thought. And I found myself focusing on the topic of 'a safe space'- starting with my own personal version, and then widening the circle to consider what might be appropriate parameters for 'a safe space' for university students.
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A lot of the criticism of said students revolved around their supposed emotional 'fragility', the consensus being that if they 'couldn't handle' the stress of controversial speakers, they would be ill-suited for the stress of 'real life'. I believe I recall the article suggested that students so inappropriately fragile might already be suffering from greater psychological issues. I quote some of the relevant passages here.
'...Today’s youth become upset over the most inane, trivial things. And nowhere is this truer than on college campuses. Sadly, because of this catering to their every fabricated need, our young people have lost any degree of self-assurance. Of course not all students have drank the Kool-Aid, but it seems the majority certainly have.
'...It’s plain, in view of how students react to the slightest hint of conflict, that our society has done a grievous disservice to our young people. They deserve better than this.
'...Scary visit
'...Students at University of Connecticut recently got their leotards in a bunch, to borrow a phrase from Todd Starnes, because the college allowed conservative author Ben Shapiro to speak at the college.
'...Speaking to conservative commentator Laura Ingraham, Shapiro said that the college’s head diversity officer (there were no “diversity officers” when I was taking courses at UMaine) said Shapiro’s presentation could be “hurtful” to some students and therefore, the college was prepared to provide counseling to those who were traumatized.
'...Traumatized by a speaker? That’s a hard one to swallow.
'...Shapiro’s response to this was well-thought and to the point. “If you actually have to seek mental health counseling because you hear that I’m coming to campus, you probably need to seek mental health counseling for a number of other issues that you have.”
'...For the majority of Americans, this “sissification” of our colleges and universities only serves to underscore the deep decline of objective thinking and, along with that, any sense of independence or self respect...'.
There was much more.
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But- bottom line on this- the issue of kids needing to continue to learn- not always from easy lessons- is undisputed. Universities would indeed benefit from a balanced, open approach.
Further- people needing a 'safe space'- is also undisputed. Everyone needs that. Rarely do we get it handed to us a part of our environment. For example; it has, thank God, become customary at most universities, to attempt to provide safe spaces for their students in a variety of contexts. One of the things I noted at every university we visited in the early 2000s, was the development of safe space as related to physical and sexual assault. Blue lights, security phones- the approach varies. Fraternities are continuing to be brought under the spotlight for unacceptable behavior.
Ultimately it devolves upon the individual, to discover their 'safe space'. The wise ones will have multiple safe spaces; not all will be the same.
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Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual; safe spaces need to be present in all of the domains. They are often hard-won insights; they may be skillfully constructed, or ruinously dysfunctional. But they are there.
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To enlarge upon one of these; within the spiritual domain may be found 'safe space' truly of the ultimate and most indestructible type. Small wonder that it is described in many places; for example;
1)I spent a good while in the early 2000s, working to navigate 'New Age' and alternative modalities; Reiki, chakras, the I Ching, lucid dreaming, counseling (oohh, counseling..does that mean I'm too 'fragile'??)- and in a fruitful series of workshops I attended, I was introduced to some very potent visualization exercises. (I suspect in the context of criticism of university students, such a workshop might be considered 'coddling', or 'pampering').
This was a formal 'walkthrough' of an inner landscape with evocative imagery of light and journeying experiences. Suggestions were offered but it was emphasized that the journey was that discovered by the individual.
It worked well. I was left with a construct somewhat formalistic, to which I resort rarely, yet its brightness is a comfort to recall when needed, with nostalgia and affection.
2) The same territory, with a different spin, is referred to by the potent imagery related in Ephesians;
Ephesians 6, v 11-17
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Same territory, different spin.
So as I pondered the concept of 'safe space', I had to laugh- but with certainty and great joy. 'Safe space' is a necessity, whether you are a small animal, a child, a college student, an army combatant, a parent, a grandmother- we all have our safe spaces. The author of the article in question is no stranger to this.
One might question, rather, if the role of institutes of higher learning is not indeed to bring this topic out into the open, counseling their students to acknowledge the utility of safe spaces, and the resilence to develop such spaces as they need. The Bible certainly provides a template in depicting such spiritual armour.
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This is in contradistinction to those who choose to ridicule the provision of counseling as 'sissification', to label students- as follows;
'...our young people have lost any degree of self-assurance. Of course not all students have drank the Kool-Aid, but it seems the majority certainly have...'
Talk about your 'truthful hyperbole'- this does not, in fact, come anywhere near the truth..
'...Well, it happened one step at a time. And now it has reached the point where liberal thinking permeates our society. Now, people who espouse differing opinions are branded as pariahs. Whatever happened to the free arena of the public square? Where is the soapbox for the non-politically correct to stand and proclaim their views?...'
Read it again. 'Liberal thinking permates our society'. Oh the horror!
One of the individuals participating in this discussion correctly pointed out that 'liberal thinking' permeating society was not the atrocity it was clearly being painted. Use of 'liberal' (or, as they were fond of restating it 'libtard') is a slur on the definition of 'liberal'.
Part of my contribution to the discussion was the following;
Wikipedia; '...Liberal'...A supporter of liberalism, a political philosophy founded on ideas of liberty and equality
'Classical liberalism, a political or social philosophy advocating the freedom of the individual, parliamentary systems of government, nonviolent modification of political, social, or economic institutions to assure unrestricted development in all spheres of human endeavor, and governmental guarantees of individual rights and civil liberties... '
I repeat. Spew of hatred associated with demeaning depictions of those labeled as 'liberal' was one of the hallmarks of the post-election hate spew, and clearly it is not dead. To resort to hate rhetoric- speech crafted to demean those whose viewpoints you oppose- is not only counter-productive, it reflects poorly on the speaker.
End of rant.
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Another edit of the same material as a work in progress, with a focus more specifically on exploring the concept of 'safe space', without the geopolitical twist.
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2 12 18 Safe Space- in progress
'Safe space' is a necessity, whether you are a small animal, a child, a college student, an army combatant, a parent, a grandmother- we all have our safe spaces.
We have them- because we need them. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual; safe spaces need to be present in all of the domains. They are often hard-won insights; they may be skillfully constructed, or ruinously dysfunctional. But they are there.
Much of the derision recently heaped upon the concept of 'safe spaces' comes from the belief that they are places to hide; to shut out unpleasant occurrences, to avoid what the critic considers to be a necessary, life-building stress. (The admonition 'suck it up, buttercup' is illustrative of this attitude.)
Granted, one may indeed retreat at times, when faced with a chaotic world, to an interior reminder of what order and beauty look like. But in real life, if you plan to meet challenges (and you will meet them, planned or not), you need to be able to carry your 'safe space' with you, be able to draw on the serenity and strength of the inner order, then to use this strength to accomplish your goals. It can and should become second nature, but there are many focusing techniques to assist in this in your 'down time'- meditation,
Military combatants can't 'hide' from the realities of combat. When it comes down to it, there is no choice but to engage. No one disputes this. But a safe space is nonetheless crucial; a core integrity and assuredness, 'light' as it were, a position of strength from which to operate. If the 'safe space' doesn't work, PTSD can be the result. I doubt anyone considers veterans suffering from this to be 'fragile' or 'sissified'
As humans, we begin to build our 'safe places' almost from birth.
A truly fascinating take on this process can be found in the kid's movie 'Inside Out'. I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't yet seen this delightful presentation of the concepts of memory formation and encoding as seen from a child's point of view. Granted that this is a cartoon, painted in vivid primary colors; it depicts developmental challenges and processes; the formation and fundamental importance of what they term 'core memories'; the cataclysmic effect of the loss of integrity of such memories; and how radically this can change the direction of a person's life
Ultimately it devolves upon the individual, to discover and co-create their 'safe space'. The wise ones will have multiple safe spaces; not all will be the same.
*********************************************************************************************
To enlarge upon one of these; within the spiritual domain may be found 'safe space' truly of the ultimate and most indestructible type. Small wonder that it is described in many places.
To cite my own experience; I spent a good while in the early 2000s, working to navigate 'New Age' and alternative modalities; Reiki, chakras, the I Ching, lucid dreaming, counseling (oohh, counseling..does that mean I'm too 'fragile'??)- and in a fruitful series of workshops I attended, I was introduced to some very potent visualization exercises. (I suspect in the context of the current climate of criticism, such a workshop might be considered 'coddling', or 'pampering').
This was a formal 'walk-through' of an inner landscape with evocative imagery of light and journeying experiences. Suggestions were offered but it was emphasized that the journey was that discovered by the individual.
It worked well. I was left with a construct- albeit externally suggested and somewhat formalistic, to which I resort rarely, yet its brightness is a comfort to recall when needed, with nostalgia and affection.
2) In the Biblical context, the same territory, with a different spin, is referred to by the potent imagery related in Ephesians;
Ephesians 6, v 11-17
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Same territory, different spin.
(inserted here- note, it would serve as a good adjunct to Babe Cow and Babe Pig chapters 6 & 7, in that those depict the evolution of a safe space)
A recent exchange on Facebook was not without controversy. The subject at hand was (as is often the case today) freedom of speech. The geopolitical context (as can be seen from the date) was status post 2018 election and all the twists and turns of life since then.
The facebook exchange was an open discussion of public speakers at university; their rights to be heard, the student bodies' right to a 'safe space', and the administration's right to be a 'gatekeeper' in the interest of promoting peace, civil discourse, and an open forum.
'Liberals', as per usual, were vilified, students portrayed as infantile and unreasonably delicate, and the concept of a 'safe space' was not favorably portrayed.
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The discussion was soon shut down. Freedom of speech (the initial subject) was not considered to be applicable within the forum of a discussion on Facebook- ie, if you disagree, don't participate, This seemed somewhat ironic, and yet, one can appreciate that a Facebook post *might* be considered the equivalent of a discussion in ones living room taking place among 'friends', and one is not expected to bring heated attitudes to such a discussion.
******************************************************************************************
So- it was food for thought. And I found myself focusing on the topic of 'a safe space'- starting with my own personal version, and then widening the circle to consider what might be appropriate parameters for 'a safe space' for university students.
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A lot of the criticism of said students revolved around their supposed emotional 'fragility', the consensus being that if they 'couldn't handle' the stress of controversial speakers, they would be ill-suited for the stress of 'real life'. I believe I recall the article suggested that students so inappropriately fragile might already be suffering from greater psychological issues. I quote some of the relevant passages here.
'...Today’s youth become upset over the most inane, trivial things. And nowhere is this truer than on college campuses. Sadly, because of this catering to their every fabricated need, our young people have lost any degree of self-assurance. Of course not all students have drank the Kool-Aid, but it seems the majority certainly have.
'...It’s plain, in view of how students react to the slightest hint of conflict, that our society has done a grievous disservice to our young people. They deserve better than this.
'...Scary visit
'...Students at University of Connecticut recently got their leotards in a bunch, to borrow a phrase from Todd Starnes, because the college allowed conservative author Ben Shapiro to speak at the college.
'...Speaking to conservative commentator Laura Ingraham, Shapiro said that the college’s head diversity officer (there were no “diversity officers” when I was taking courses at UMaine) said Shapiro’s presentation could be “hurtful” to some students and therefore, the college was prepared to provide counseling to those who were traumatized.
'...Traumatized by a speaker? That’s a hard one to swallow.
'...Shapiro’s response to this was well-thought and to the point. “If you actually have to seek mental health counseling because you hear that I’m coming to campus, you probably need to seek mental health counseling for a number of other issues that you have.”
'...For the majority of Americans, this “sissification” of our colleges and universities only serves to underscore the deep decline of objective thinking and, along with that, any sense of independence or self respect...'.
There was much more.
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But- bottom line on this- the issue of kids needing to continue to learn- not always from easy lessons- is undisputed. Universities would indeed benefit from a balanced, open approach.
Further- people needing a 'safe space'- is also undisputed. Everyone needs that. Rarely do we get it handed to us a part of our environment. For example; it has, thank God, become customary at most universities, to attempt to provide safe spaces for their students in a variety of contexts. One of the things I noted at every university we visited in the early 2000s, was the development of safe space as related to physical and sexual assault. Blue lights, security phones- the approach varies. Fraternities are continuing to be brought under the spotlight for unacceptable behavior.
Ultimately it devolves upon the individual, to discover their 'safe space'. The wise ones will have multiple safe spaces; not all will be the same.
*********************************************************************************************
Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual; safe spaces need to be present in all of the domains. They are often hard-won insights; they may be skillfully constructed, or ruinously dysfunctional. But they are there.
*********************************************************************************************
To enlarge upon one of these; within the spiritual domain may be found 'safe space' truly of the ultimate and most indestructible type. Small wonder that it is described in many places; for example;
1)I spent a good while in the early 2000s, working to navigate 'New Age' and alternative modalities; Reiki, chakras, the I Ching, lucid dreaming, counseling (oohh, counseling..does that mean I'm too 'fragile'??)- and in a fruitful series of workshops I attended, I was introduced to some very potent visualization exercises. (I suspect in the context of criticism of university students, such a workshop might be considered 'coddling', or 'pampering').
This was a formal 'walkthrough' of an inner landscape with evocative imagery of light and journeying experiences. Suggestions were offered but it was emphasized that the journey was that discovered by the individual.
It worked well. I was left with a construct somewhat formalistic, to which I resort rarely, yet its brightness is a comfort to recall when needed, with nostalgia and affection.
2) The same territory, with a different spin, is referred to by the potent imagery related in Ephesians;
Ephesians 6, v 11-17
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Same territory, different spin.
So as I pondered the concept of 'safe space', I had to laugh- but with certainty and great joy. 'Safe space' is a necessity, whether you are a small animal, a child, a college student, an army combatant, a parent, a grandmother- we all have our safe spaces. The author of the article in question is no stranger to this.
One might question, rather, if the role of institutes of higher learning is not indeed to bring this topic out into the open, counseling their students to acknowledge the utility of safe spaces, and the resilence to develop such spaces as they need. The Bible certainly provides a template in depicting such spiritual armour.
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This is in contradistinction to those who choose to ridicule the provision of counseling as 'sissification', to label students- as follows;
'...our young people have lost any degree of self-assurance. Of course not all students have drank the Kool-Aid, but it seems the majority certainly have...'
Talk about your 'truthful hyperbole'- this does not, in fact, come anywhere near the truth..
'...Well, it happened one step at a time. And now it has reached the point where liberal thinking permeates our society. Now, people who espouse differing opinions are branded as pariahs. Whatever happened to the free arena of the public square? Where is the soapbox for the non-politically correct to stand and proclaim their views?...'
Read it again. 'Liberal thinking permates our society'. Oh the horror!
One of the individuals participating in this discussion correctly pointed out that 'liberal thinking' permeating society was not the atrocity it was clearly being painted. Use of 'liberal' (or, as they were fond of restating it 'libtard') is a slur on the definition of 'liberal'.
Part of my contribution to the discussion was the following;
Wikipedia; '...Liberal'...A supporter of liberalism, a political philosophy founded on ideas of liberty and equality
'Classical liberalism, a political or social philosophy advocating the freedom of the individual, parliamentary systems of government, nonviolent modification of political, social, or economic institutions to assure unrestricted development in all spheres of human endeavor, and governmental guarantees of individual rights and civil liberties... '
I repeat. Spew of hatred associated with demeaning depictions of those labeled as 'liberal' was one of the hallmarks of the post-election hate spew, and clearly it is not dead. To resort to hate rhetoric- speech crafted to demean those whose viewpoints you oppose- is not only counter-productive, it reflects poorly on the speaker.
End of rant.
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Another edit of the same material as a work in progress, with a focus more specifically on exploring the concept of 'safe space', without the geopolitical twist.
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2 12 18 Safe Space- in progress
'Safe space' is a necessity, whether you are a small animal, a child, a college student, an army combatant, a parent, a grandmother- we all have our safe spaces.
We have them- because we need them. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual; safe spaces need to be present in all of the domains. They are often hard-won insights; they may be skillfully constructed, or ruinously dysfunctional. But they are there.
Much of the derision recently heaped upon the concept of 'safe spaces' comes from the belief that they are places to hide; to shut out unpleasant occurrences, to avoid what the critic considers to be a necessary, life-building stress. (The admonition 'suck it up, buttercup' is illustrative of this attitude.)
Granted, one may indeed retreat at times, when faced with a chaotic world, to an interior reminder of what order and beauty look like. But in real life, if you plan to meet challenges (and you will meet them, planned or not), you need to be able to carry your 'safe space' with you, be able to draw on the serenity and strength of the inner order, then to use this strength to accomplish your goals. It can and should become second nature, but there are many focusing techniques to assist in this in your 'down time'- meditation,
Military combatants can't 'hide' from the realities of combat. When it comes down to it, there is no choice but to engage. No one disputes this. But a safe space is nonetheless crucial; a core integrity and assuredness, 'light' as it were, a position of strength from which to operate. If the 'safe space' doesn't work, PTSD can be the result. I doubt anyone considers veterans suffering from this to be 'fragile' or 'sissified'
As humans, we begin to build our 'safe places' almost from birth.
A truly fascinating take on this process can be found in the kid's movie 'Inside Out'. I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't yet seen this delightful presentation of the concepts of memory formation and encoding as seen from a child's point of view. Granted that this is a cartoon, painted in vivid primary colors; it depicts developmental challenges and processes; the formation and fundamental importance of what they term 'core memories'; the cataclysmic effect of the loss of integrity of such memories; and how radically this can change the direction of a person's life
Ultimately it devolves upon the individual, to discover and co-create their 'safe space'. The wise ones will have multiple safe spaces; not all will be the same.
*********************************************************************************************
To enlarge upon one of these; within the spiritual domain may be found 'safe space' truly of the ultimate and most indestructible type. Small wonder that it is described in many places.
To cite my own experience; I spent a good while in the early 2000s, working to navigate 'New Age' and alternative modalities; Reiki, chakras, the I Ching, lucid dreaming, counseling (oohh, counseling..does that mean I'm too 'fragile'??)- and in a fruitful series of workshops I attended, I was introduced to some very potent visualization exercises. (I suspect in the context of the current climate of criticism, such a workshop might be considered 'coddling', or 'pampering').
This was a formal 'walk-through' of an inner landscape with evocative imagery of light and journeying experiences. Suggestions were offered but it was emphasized that the journey was that discovered by the individual.
It worked well. I was left with a construct- albeit externally suggested and somewhat formalistic, to which I resort rarely, yet its brightness is a comfort to recall when needed, with nostalgia and affection.
2) In the Biblical context, the same territory, with a different spin, is referred to by the potent imagery related in Ephesians;
Ephesians 6, v 11-17
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Same territory, different spin.
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'Haves' and 'Have-Nots', 'Dos' and 'Do-Nots'
So (part 1)- for most all of my 67 years, I have been wrestling with the disparity between 'haves' and 'have-nots. My family was on the 'fringe of the fringe of the fringe'- of a bunch of 'haves'. Go back 3 generations and they were 'haves', but we were comparatively 'poor relations', and lived like that, month to month, bill to bill, as the mouths to feed multiplied. I've seen far worse, but a stint in foster care widened my view of the world, and helped to cement my perception of where I stood in the larger society.
Things changed as I got older. When, for the last 2 years of high school, a bequest allowed me to go to a private school with the offspring- and pampered darlings- of a bunch of 'haves', it was not an easy experience for me. Ski trips, horses, trips abroad- no, not really where I was coming from- nor going to. Not at all.
So- I made my own way, my own ethics, my own (multiple) mistakes- and made it through, working job after job, life experience after life experience- and now find myself still wrestling with the same conundrum in retrospect, as I look at the next generations in parallel branches of the family.
So (part 2)- as I was musing on this issue in the shower this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that there is a whole other binary classification system that impinges- in a hugely intriguing and significant way- on the 'haves' and 'have-nots'. It is (wait for it..) the 'dos' and 'do-nots'.
I am/have been, most definitely, a 'do'. Life seemed to me, to be so sucky, insane, and downright intolerable, that the choice wa practically made for me- change, get out, or die. So, 'do', I did. Not always well, but moving on, nonetheless.
One of the few cherished highlights from my first 2 years of high school was what my gymnastics coach wrote in my yearbook- something about 'outstanding determination and drive' (not, you understand, talent or accomplishment..). Gymnastics- uneven parallel bars- set me free, let me fly (and sometimes, fall..) It was hard to walk away from it to go away to school- but the going away was an absolute necessity to get away from an unsupportable home situation, so go I did. As I have often said since- and have often had to live by- 'Take what you have, and walk away'.
Over the years, I have worked somewhere around 20 jobs (some of only a few months duration, many of about 2 years, and the longest for over 20 years). 2 husbands, 41 years of marriage (and counting), 4 grandkids, lived in 5 states, lived in 15 different residences (and owned 3 of them), attended 6 churches, got baptized (twice, the second time by pentecostal holiness folks in the Buckhannon river in WV in the dead of night), retired, farmed incessantly, dealt with countless cows (and have many cow tales to tell..)
So here I am, washed up on the shore- metaphorically speaking- and thinking about the combinations and permutations of haves/have-nots, dos/do-nots, in my shower.
As (relative) 'have-not, I could not STAND to stay where I was. So I was a 'do', and I moved forward (albeit sometimes in a backsliding way).
I can only guess what I would have been had I started out as a 'have'. I would LIKE to think I would still have been a 'do'.
I know there are 'have-nots' who are, more rather than less. 'do-nots'. And I am pretty sure there are more than a few 'haves' who are- whether by disability, inclination, or happenstance- 'do-nots'. Motivational psychology, religious admonition, and politics being what they are, the woods are full of speculation on these topics.
One interesting aspect is- what varieties of individual personal growth and accomplishment arise within the spectrum of 'have-nots' who are 'dos'? World makers, world breakers, revolutionaries?
And it is a relative no-brainer to conclude that in the spectrum from 'have-not' to 'have', the greater the resources available, the more a 'do'er is likely to be able to accomplish.
There is also a great variety in focus of drive. For those who want to do good, for example, there is a world of difference between 'Making the world a better place, and 'Make America great again'. Some people are focused on altruism, some on competition.
So (part 1)- for most all of my 67 years, I have been wrestling with the disparity between 'haves' and 'have-nots. My family was on the 'fringe of the fringe of the fringe'- of a bunch of 'haves'. Go back 3 generations and they were 'haves', but we were comparatively 'poor relations', and lived like that, month to month, bill to bill, as the mouths to feed multiplied. I've seen far worse, but a stint in foster care widened my view of the world, and helped to cement my perception of where I stood in the larger society.
Things changed as I got older. When, for the last 2 years of high school, a bequest allowed me to go to a private school with the offspring- and pampered darlings- of a bunch of 'haves', it was not an easy experience for me. Ski trips, horses, trips abroad- no, not really where I was coming from- nor going to. Not at all.
So- I made my own way, my own ethics, my own (multiple) mistakes- and made it through, working job after job, life experience after life experience- and now find myself still wrestling with the same conundrum in retrospect, as I look at the next generations in parallel branches of the family.
So (part 2)- as I was musing on this issue in the shower this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that there is a whole other binary classification system that impinges- in a hugely intriguing and significant way- on the 'haves' and 'have-nots'. It is (wait for it..) the 'dos' and 'do-nots'.
I am/have been, most definitely, a 'do'. Life seemed to me, to be so sucky, insane, and downright intolerable, that the choice wa practically made for me- change, get out, or die. So, 'do', I did. Not always well, but moving on, nonetheless.
One of the few cherished highlights from my first 2 years of high school was what my gymnastics coach wrote in my yearbook- something about 'outstanding determination and drive' (not, you understand, talent or accomplishment..). Gymnastics- uneven parallel bars- set me free, let me fly (and sometimes, fall..) It was hard to walk away from it to go away to school- but the going away was an absolute necessity to get away from an unsupportable home situation, so go I did. As I have often said since- and have often had to live by- 'Take what you have, and walk away'.
Over the years, I have worked somewhere around 20 jobs (some of only a few months duration, many of about 2 years, and the longest for over 20 years). 2 husbands, 41 years of marriage (and counting), 4 grandkids, lived in 5 states, lived in 15 different residences (and owned 3 of them), attended 6 churches, got baptized (twice, the second time by pentecostal holiness folks in the Buckhannon river in WV in the dead of night), retired, farmed incessantly, dealt with countless cows (and have many cow tales to tell..)
So here I am, washed up on the shore- metaphorically speaking- and thinking about the combinations and permutations of haves/have-nots, dos/do-nots, in my shower.
As (relative) 'have-not, I could not STAND to stay where I was. So I was a 'do', and I moved forward (albeit sometimes in a backsliding way).
I can only guess what I would have been had I started out as a 'have'. I would LIKE to think I would still have been a 'do'.
I know there are 'have-nots' who are, more rather than less. 'do-nots'. And I am pretty sure there are more than a few 'haves' who are- whether by disability, inclination, or happenstance- 'do-nots'. Motivational psychology, religious admonition, and politics being what they are, the woods are full of speculation on these topics.
One interesting aspect is- what varieties of individual personal growth and accomplishment arise within the spectrum of 'have-nots' who are 'dos'? World makers, world breakers, revolutionaries?
And it is a relative no-brainer to conclude that in the spectrum from 'have-not' to 'have', the greater the resources available, the more a 'do'er is likely to be able to accomplish.
There is also a great variety in focus of drive. For those who want to do good, for example, there is a world of difference between 'Making the world a better place, and 'Make America great again'. Some people are focused on altruism, some on competition.
11 8 18 ***Thought for the day: Take what you have, and walk away.***
Do not remain in bondage to hate. Do what you must in coming to terms with the fact that the past cannot be changed.
When your thoughts circle endlessly around toxic situations- episodes long past involving people long dead- injustices you couldn't make right then, and still haunt you now- there is strength in considering what you DO have, and what you CAN do.
Remember what they sometimes say- that the best revenge is living well. That's part of it- but there is much more.
You have your life. You have your strength- all you can muster of it, as you fight to keep from being drained. You have the ultimate victory of the knowledge and the reality of survival.
You have lessons bitterly learned from injuries to the body, and wounds to the heart, mind, and spirit- for you can learn from a bad example, from evil, unforgiveable times, as much as you can from good times.
And what you may most need, having survived, and being unwilling to endlessly circle the drain, is simply this- to take what you have, and walk away.
Take your whole self- don't leave parts behind. Reclaim your lost birthright, the parts of yourself that were robbed of safety.
Take what is of value to you.
Take the examples of those who gave you shelter and respite, gave you the gift of compassion, showed you that there were others did not live a life of day to day violence and fear.
Take your integrity. Take your strength. Take every bit of joy and peace that you accumulated in hard-won times.
Come out into sunshine and freedom.
Walk tall. Make your personal motto, the words so often sung and recited- 'Let freedom ring'. 'Liberty and justice for all'.
Pay it forward. Keep a good eye out for those who are in need of help. We need to hold each other up, in a web of caring. The strands may seem slender and uncertain of utility, but remember the lifelines that helped you to survive.
Do not remain in bondage to hate. Do what you must in coming to terms with the fact that the past cannot be changed.
When your thoughts circle endlessly around toxic situations- episodes long past involving people long dead- injustices you couldn't make right then, and still haunt you now- there is strength in considering what you DO have, and what you CAN do.
Remember what they sometimes say- that the best revenge is living well. That's part of it- but there is much more.
You have your life. You have your strength- all you can muster of it, as you fight to keep from being drained. You have the ultimate victory of the knowledge and the reality of survival.
You have lessons bitterly learned from injuries to the body, and wounds to the heart, mind, and spirit- for you can learn from a bad example, from evil, unforgiveable times, as much as you can from good times.
And what you may most need, having survived, and being unwilling to endlessly circle the drain, is simply this- to take what you have, and walk away.
Take your whole self- don't leave parts behind. Reclaim your lost birthright, the parts of yourself that were robbed of safety.
Take what is of value to you.
Take the examples of those who gave you shelter and respite, gave you the gift of compassion, showed you that there were others did not live a life of day to day violence and fear.
Take your integrity. Take your strength. Take every bit of joy and peace that you accumulated in hard-won times.
Come out into sunshine and freedom.
Walk tall. Make your personal motto, the words so often sung and recited- 'Let freedom ring'. 'Liberty and justice for all'.
Pay it forward. Keep a good eye out for those who are in need of help. We need to hold each other up, in a web of caring. The strands may seem slender and uncertain of utility, but remember the lifelines that helped you to survive.
5 1 19 Same shit, different year- the story of my life
Well, once again it is spring- and once again, (as the gardening season revs up), I look around and realize that my house and yard are approaching gridlock.
Last fall, I rented a monster dumpster, which I gradually filled to the brim with CAREFULLY selected miscellany to go to the 'great beyond'. It all fit into the appropriate categories- so I wasn't charged extra fees- for anything BUT the inordinate amount of time it took to go through said house and yard, sorting through the flotsam and jetsam of 20+ years of haphazard life on the farm. And I THOUGHT I had tamed the chaos.
All that is great if you finish the job by re-stowing the stuff you decide to keep.
Such, alas, was not the case- rather, it remained in a holding pattern- which didn't hold for that long.
People- there are always people- myself included-who wanted or needed stuff- Xmas stuff, spare parts- shims, balsa wood, rolls of electric wire, stove pipe, endless screws, bolts, nuts, steel plate, bricks, blocks, pavers, - books, mineral specimens, caulk, , raw sheep's wool to use to tie flies- planting supplies, weaving supplies, seeds, alternative clothes (kind of like the 'alternative facts' we have come to know and love so well..), the occasional bed to spend the night on (if such a thing as a bed could be located below the overburden), musical instruments, amplifiers, snowshoes, skis, ice-fishing gear, circuit breakers and circuit breaker boxes, tools- woodlathe tools, drills, batteries, chargers, levels, squares, sanders- the list could go on...(no, really ALL of these items and many more were among the requests- I am a clearing house for this stuff, and immediate family- and others- well know it, so this is where they come. And, actually, this winter and spring I was an easy target, because- if you come upstairs to look for one thing and you happen to see another thing- then whoever it is (they will remain nameless-) goes away with 2 things instead of 1- why not. Good til the next time someone needs either of those things.. On good days I can readily lay my hand on things. On days when- for example- three people are cooking 3 different things simultaneously (in the very small kitchen we have) pots and other supplies randomly end up in outlying rooms. Hopefully clean pots- I find out eventually).
It's a busy place. It's a farm- and an ecosystem.
So- the piles were tossed- and re-tossed- and spread- and pushed back to make room for tropical plants crowding up to the windows..
2 calves had come into the house for intensive care and rehab this spring- one for only 12 hours (she made it), 1 for 2 weeks (he didn't). That occupation engendered its own area of chaos in the laundry room- some of which lingers. It needs a few hours of remediation- and then maybe I could catch up on the wash.. until then I step over said chaos to get to the tool box- which might or might not have what I need, depending on who used it last..)
And now it is time for migration to the outdoors. The great spring push. Calves being born, hay rationed out, fields, fencelines, and swamps walked (right now there is very little difference between field and swamp..)
Seedlings are muscling and shouldering their way out of starter trays, fighting for sunlight. Peas are planted, garden beds checked daily for soil condition.
My point is, if you come to visit, you might want to come with cleaning supplies and a will to help. You probably have seen much of this stuff before. You may well have given me some of it- God knows, it comes from multiple sources- this is, after all, a 2-way street. An ecosystem of useful stuff. There is a rotating population. If you're sufficiently familiar with it, you might even know where it is (supposed to be) going for storage.
Come on by.. I often pay for help.. if you can find me. I could be outside. I could be upstairs. I could be at this keyboard. I will leave clues and snacks... 5/1/19 lw
Well, once again it is spring- and once again, (as the gardening season revs up), I look around and realize that my house and yard are approaching gridlock.
Last fall, I rented a monster dumpster, which I gradually filled to the brim with CAREFULLY selected miscellany to go to the 'great beyond'. It all fit into the appropriate categories- so I wasn't charged extra fees- for anything BUT the inordinate amount of time it took to go through said house and yard, sorting through the flotsam and jetsam of 20+ years of haphazard life on the farm. And I THOUGHT I had tamed the chaos.
All that is great if you finish the job by re-stowing the stuff you decide to keep.
Such, alas, was not the case- rather, it remained in a holding pattern- which didn't hold for that long.
People- there are always people- myself included-who wanted or needed stuff- Xmas stuff, spare parts- shims, balsa wood, rolls of electric wire, stove pipe, endless screws, bolts, nuts, steel plate, bricks, blocks, pavers, - books, mineral specimens, caulk, , raw sheep's wool to use to tie flies- planting supplies, weaving supplies, seeds, alternative clothes (kind of like the 'alternative facts' we have come to know and love so well..), the occasional bed to spend the night on (if such a thing as a bed could be located below the overburden), musical instruments, amplifiers, snowshoes, skis, ice-fishing gear, circuit breakers and circuit breaker boxes, tools- woodlathe tools, drills, batteries, chargers, levels, squares, sanders- the list could go on...(no, really ALL of these items and many more were among the requests- I am a clearing house for this stuff, and immediate family- and others- well know it, so this is where they come. And, actually, this winter and spring I was an easy target, because- if you come upstairs to look for one thing and you happen to see another thing- then whoever it is (they will remain nameless-) goes away with 2 things instead of 1- why not. Good til the next time someone needs either of those things.. On good days I can readily lay my hand on things. On days when- for example- three people are cooking 3 different things simultaneously (in the very small kitchen we have) pots and other supplies randomly end up in outlying rooms. Hopefully clean pots- I find out eventually).
It's a busy place. It's a farm- and an ecosystem.
So- the piles were tossed- and re-tossed- and spread- and pushed back to make room for tropical plants crowding up to the windows..
2 calves had come into the house for intensive care and rehab this spring- one for only 12 hours (she made it), 1 for 2 weeks (he didn't). That occupation engendered its own area of chaos in the laundry room- some of which lingers. It needs a few hours of remediation- and then maybe I could catch up on the wash.. until then I step over said chaos to get to the tool box- which might or might not have what I need, depending on who used it last..)
And now it is time for migration to the outdoors. The great spring push. Calves being born, hay rationed out, fields, fencelines, and swamps walked (right now there is very little difference between field and swamp..)
Seedlings are muscling and shouldering their way out of starter trays, fighting for sunlight. Peas are planted, garden beds checked daily for soil condition.
My point is, if you come to visit, you might want to come with cleaning supplies and a will to help. You probably have seen much of this stuff before. You may well have given me some of it- God knows, it comes from multiple sources- this is, after all, a 2-way street. An ecosystem of useful stuff. There is a rotating population. If you're sufficiently familiar with it, you might even know where it is (supposed to be) going for storage.
Come on by.. I often pay for help.. if you can find me. I could be outside. I could be upstairs. I could be at this keyboard. I will leave clues and snacks... 5/1/19 lw