_8 The calculus of love
_
Each country is precious.
Each culture is precious
No man’s hand should destroy
That which is loved by another,
But all should work together
to define and preserve the good.
It is not rocket science, but the calculus of love
to see what is precious and keep it safe.
Stay their hands.
Not just ours, not just theirs, but both.
Open their eyes, and bring truth to their lips,
And wisdom to their hearts,
Let them love each other.
Each country is precious.
Each culture is precious
No man’s hand should destroy
That which is loved by another,
But all should work together
to define and preserve the good.
It is not rocket science, but the calculus of love
to see what is precious and keep it safe.
Stay their hands.
Not just ours, not just theirs, but both.
Open their eyes, and bring truth to their lips,
And wisdom to their hearts,
Let them love each other.
_9 The Fire From Heaven (notes on the end of a marriage) 1987
_
And now I have revenge, in speech and song;
Hone my wit and tongue to a keen cutting edge,
Slice away what might have been from what was,
See what is, in its shivering nakedness.
Once I would have given it all away for you.
Would have given up the words, given up the music;
Loved, mute and joyful, body’s language my only tongue,
Could I have lain with you once again..
To hold you heart to heart,
To feel your body’s heat,
To take the fire from Heaven
And give it to you as a gift
Husband and betrayer.
And now I have revenge, in speech and song;
Hone my wit and tongue to a keen cutting edge,
Slice away what might have been from what was,
See what is, in its shivering nakedness.
Once I would have given it all away for you.
Would have given up the words, given up the music;
Loved, mute and joyful, body’s language my only tongue,
Could I have lain with you once again..
To hold you heart to heart,
To feel your body’s heat,
To take the fire from Heaven
And give it to you as a gift
Husband and betrayer.
_10 I Am Rock 1987
_
I am steel- adamantine, chrysoprase-
I am metal,
I am rock.
I am hard
I am flower petals,
I am laughter,
I am tears.
I am soft.
I am mother,
I am farmer,
I am midwife.
Steel and laughter,
I was wife.
What am I now?
I am steel,
I am metal,
I am rock.
I am hard.
I loved my husband,
I love my son,
I love my God.
I am rock.
I love the springtime,
I cherish the rain
And the growing things.
I am soft.
I am woman- woman left,
Woman scorned,
Woman still.
I am rock.
I am steel- adamantine, chrysoprase-
I am metal,
I am rock.
I am hard
I am flower petals,
I am laughter,
I am tears.
I am soft.
I am mother,
I am farmer,
I am midwife.
Steel and laughter,
I was wife.
What am I now?
I am steel,
I am metal,
I am rock.
I am hard.
I loved my husband,
I love my son,
I love my God.
I am rock.
I love the springtime,
I cherish the rain
And the growing things.
I am soft.
I am woman- woman left,
Woman scorned,
Woman still.
I am rock.
_11 (so- the second marriage isn't going too well, either)
I WANT MY FREEDOM
_
Living vicariously is the act of a powerless person.
Finding escape fiction and fantasy to be preferable to reality
is the sign of an inability to change reality
to something more satisfying than the status quo.
I don’t want to live in fantasy.
I want to shape my reality.
I want my freedom.
Living vicariously is the act of a powerless person.
Finding escape fiction and fantasy to be preferable to reality
is the sign of an inability to change reality
to something more satisfying than the status quo.
I don’t want to live in fantasy.
I want to shape my reality.
I want my freedom.
_12 HELL’S GATE
_
Tears dry up in the cauldron of rage.
Grief and pain turn to fury.
Hell’s gate opens.
Emotional plate tectonics
Inexorably move relationships apart
As the rift widens.
Get off the bridge, stupid.
Tears dry up in the cauldron of rage.
Grief and pain turn to fury.
Hell’s gate opens.
Emotional plate tectonics
Inexorably move relationships apart
As the rift widens.
Get off the bridge, stupid.
_13 GET OFF THE BRIDGE, STUPID (January 2011)
_
Relationships are bridges between people. Just as a physical bridge can be assessed for structural integrity, so too can a relationship. My relationship with my present husband has endured for better than 20 years. (The relationship includes- but is not limited to- the marriage.) I have had many opportunities to assess this relationship for structural integrity. (Call me the OSHA of relationships.) What I have determined is; this thing is in pretty sad shape.
If it were a physical bridge, most would question the wisdom of venturing out on it. It sways and twists unpredictably. Floorboards crumble under your feet. You constantly get splinters in your hands; the railing gives way under your grip, you trip and smash your knee, or your shins, or your face, as you depend on support which is not there. Most would say, with me, ‘Get off the bridge, stupid'.
I feel it might be useful to include some of the basic parameters that I (as OSHA inspector of relationships) consider vital. Really, there are a lot of them. But mostly they boil down to these.
1. Do you have my best interests at heart?
2. When the chips are down, can I count on you to do the right thing?
3. Have you got my back?
4. In the case of a marriage where vows were stated; do you love, do you honor, do you cherish?
All people have their bad days, when they screw up and do things harmful to others. But if it is consistent, or inconsistently consistent, or if you truly feel that the answers to the questions above are 'No'...well, stupid, it might be time to consider getting off the bridge.
If it were only the two of us, it would be easier to say that this is a bridge that goes nowhere. But I feel at the present time that my husband is my bridge to his family; that if our marriage crumbles, relationships with those others will be severed. This is one of many factors that have kept me on this rickety framework for rather longer than I would like.
I have tried repairing it, shoring it up, reaching out in many, many ways to try to remedy the situation. This is not working. Eventually one has to consider the prospect of abandoning the structure.
How much would it cost me to be free? How much is it costing me to *not* be free? To have the relationship an ongoing stress and barrier to self-actualization; to have that drain on my life along with all the rest of life’s stressors- I don’t need it. Get off the bridge, stupid.
How long have I been screaming in this pit? Pull me out, take the chains off of me, wash me clean. Let me be free.
. I don’t want to live like this. But I do want to live.
Sometimes when I think of the death of the marriage, I feel I can see it lying on the floor dead. It’s not me, but it looks like me. And I feel great pity and compassion for the lost dream, for the death of hope.
1/26/12 addendum to 'Get off the bridge';
Notes on publishing ‘what it is’ ;
OK. It is done. It’s up on a website, out in the public domain.After 20 years, I have found a direction to build a better bridge. Now I can turn back to my husband, and re-consider our bridge. And I say- 'Fix the bridge, or get off the bridge'. I’ve been working overtime on my part of it, and if it doesn’t go to you, it can go to the world. My part is good. Not perfect, but now a whole lot stronger. What I’m saying is, now it’s my bridge.
I will not sit silent in a corner, getting older and weaker, more confused by the passage of time, and saying nothing. I will not be used or abused. I will build bridges.
Relationships are bridges between people. Just as a physical bridge can be assessed for structural integrity, so too can a relationship. My relationship with my present husband has endured for better than 20 years. (The relationship includes- but is not limited to- the marriage.) I have had many opportunities to assess this relationship for structural integrity. (Call me the OSHA of relationships.) What I have determined is; this thing is in pretty sad shape.
If it were a physical bridge, most would question the wisdom of venturing out on it. It sways and twists unpredictably. Floorboards crumble under your feet. You constantly get splinters in your hands; the railing gives way under your grip, you trip and smash your knee, or your shins, or your face, as you depend on support which is not there. Most would say, with me, ‘Get off the bridge, stupid'.
I feel it might be useful to include some of the basic parameters that I (as OSHA inspector of relationships) consider vital. Really, there are a lot of them. But mostly they boil down to these.
1. Do you have my best interests at heart?
2. When the chips are down, can I count on you to do the right thing?
3. Have you got my back?
4. In the case of a marriage where vows were stated; do you love, do you honor, do you cherish?
All people have their bad days, when they screw up and do things harmful to others. But if it is consistent, or inconsistently consistent, or if you truly feel that the answers to the questions above are 'No'...well, stupid, it might be time to consider getting off the bridge.
If it were only the two of us, it would be easier to say that this is a bridge that goes nowhere. But I feel at the present time that my husband is my bridge to his family; that if our marriage crumbles, relationships with those others will be severed. This is one of many factors that have kept me on this rickety framework for rather longer than I would like.
I have tried repairing it, shoring it up, reaching out in many, many ways to try to remedy the situation. This is not working. Eventually one has to consider the prospect of abandoning the structure.
How much would it cost me to be free? How much is it costing me to *not* be free? To have the relationship an ongoing stress and barrier to self-actualization; to have that drain on my life along with all the rest of life’s stressors- I don’t need it. Get off the bridge, stupid.
How long have I been screaming in this pit? Pull me out, take the chains off of me, wash me clean. Let me be free.
. I don’t want to live like this. But I do want to live.
Sometimes when I think of the death of the marriage, I feel I can see it lying on the floor dead. It’s not me, but it looks like me. And I feel great pity and compassion for the lost dream, for the death of hope.
1/26/12 addendum to 'Get off the bridge';
Notes on publishing ‘what it is’ ;
OK. It is done. It’s up on a website, out in the public domain.After 20 years, I have found a direction to build a better bridge. Now I can turn back to my husband, and re-consider our bridge. And I say- 'Fix the bridge, or get off the bridge'. I’ve been working overtime on my part of it, and if it doesn’t go to you, it can go to the world. My part is good. Not perfect, but now a whole lot stronger. What I’m saying is, now it’s my bridge.
I will not sit silent in a corner, getting older and weaker, more confused by the passage of time, and saying nothing. I will not be used or abused. I will build bridges.